September 24, 2009
Danielle Joyner Kelley
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matthew 6:14.
When someone hurts us, we feel unstable and want to remedy the imbalance. We want to have faith that God will move in to change the situation. When He does not, often we feel that He is punishing us for something we have done. In this situation, we stack the deck against ourselves and place God on the side with the person who hurt us.
In turn, we try to understand why this is happening, and whether God is angry at us. In seeking advice, we are told that there is one thing in particular we should do for the person who caused us the pain, and that is to pray for them. Many people have difficulty praying for someone who hurt them, and moreover, they have difficulty praying for that person to a God that they fear is punishing them.
Deep in those painful situations are opportunities that we often miss due to our hurt. It can be difficult to grasp why the Bible says we should consider these life trials a good thing. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4.
These opportunities are a chance to grow, and are not about punishment, but are about discipline. “When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone…” James 1:13. What God is doing, like a parent, is disciplining His children. When we translate “discipline” into “punishment”, we build a wall where we are scared to trust God and become resentful.
True discipline builds character and strength. When we see a person who is able to resist situations and things they should not give in to, or do certain things that they should, we call them “disciplined” not “punished”. That is because they show strength. “The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:9-12.
In those hard situations, when you force yourself to pray for a person who hurt you, you are showing that discipline. And with a true understanding of how God works, we would know that prayer for a person who hurt us is exactly what is needed. Put simply, life is short and we do not get many opportunities to get it right. In a painful situation, we have the opportunity to get it right and change. We should pray for those who are capable of hurting us so that they might get the opportunity to change also.
Also, we should know that we cannot ask God to forgive us when we are not willing to do so for others. When we do, we are not appearing as a person who is truly sorry, but we appear as a hypocrite. When we pray for those who have hurt us, we are showing God that we have forgiven them.
Most importantly, forgiving others can change your life inside and out. There is a peace that comes from being able to do something kind to someone who has wronged you that only God can provide. All too often, when someone hurts us we feel our peace has been yanked away, and we feel unstable. In the middle of that circumstance, we have the opportunity to build up with discipline and become a person who relies only on God for our peace and stability, with full assurance,
That only He deals the cards that take the crown.
**Check back for Part IV in the “Dealing with Others Series” on forgiveness when the Bible says you are to have nothing to do with someone.
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