If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

May 5, 2009

Danielle Joyner Kelley

Learning to trust God and follow His word means you put on a new you. You have been taught a new way to live, and more importantly a new way to talk. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24.

The new you has a different way to handle problems in a way that God approves of. You are to focus on the good now and not the bad. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. That includes watching what comes out of your mouth, and not complaining.

Complaining allows your enemy to know where you are weak. You are giving him a battle plan to defeat you. For example, if you have a bad day at work and call ten friends to tell them how horrible this woman you work with is and that you are feeling anger and resentment, then don’t expect Satan to make that woman nice the next day. He will make things worse and make you feel more and more anger and resentment. “And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.” 1 Corinthians 10:10.

Complaining is a sign to God that you don’t trust Him to handle your problems. As soon as something causes you anger or resentment, you are to go to Him first. When you outwardly complain while He is supposed to be working on your problem, what are you telling Him? And God doesn’t like complaining. “Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the LORD, and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the LORD burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp.” Numbers 11:1.

Usually, we are complaining to someone who has nothing to do with the situation we are complaining about. If the woman at work is causing you anger, go to her. That way you have taken Satan’s foothold away from him because you have put the issue to rest. “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:25-27. Notice that the scripture tells you “in your anger do not sin”. Don’t go and gossip to someone else about it, go to that person, and the sooner the better, hence, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”. That way Satan cannot use it to grow your anger.

Again go to them first. "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." Matthew 18:15-17.

Confronting the person causing you anger and resentment should be done in a truthful manner in order to build them up, and that does include correcting them in the Word of God. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17. You want someone to stay on their walk with God, whether you know they have hurt you or someone else, you are not the focus, God is. You want them pleasing God, not you. “Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.” 2 Timothy 4:2.

Focusing on yourself is unwholesome for them because you are not pointing them back to God. Even if it is a harsh rebuke towards them, God has to be your motive. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29. The only thing that can help them is for you to have God as your motive.

When you are confronting someone who has hurt you, make sure that you stay humble. Don’t build yourself up instead of telling them how they are acting contrary to God. You are not the issue. The people who are only talking about themselves are complaining. “These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage. Jude 1:16.

The goal is to bring someone back in line with the Word of God, and for you not to harbor the anger Satan has thrown at you. “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” James 3:14-16. Remember God is the focus, if your focus is you then you have a “selfish ambition”.

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.” Philippians 2:14-16.